The Truth Hurts

Much to my dismay, the following things are true in sports today:

There's a NBA franchise in Oklahoma City. The Thunder. Sounds like the big marketing brains burned the midnight oil on that one. Must be the same whiz kids behind Pepsi Clear.

The Jazz moved from New Orleans to Utah, then the Hornets moved from Charlotte to New Orleans and then the NBA expanded, awarding Charlotte a new team, the Bobcats. Cluster fuck. How about the Utah Bobcats, Charlotte Hornets and New Orleans Jazz...no, my bad, that actually makes sense.

Professional hockey teams in Nashville, Columbus, Phoenix, Atlanta...why? Here's a crazy idea put teams in places where they actually like hockey like CANADA or Minnesota or Wisconsin or fuckin Sweden, not the bible belt. If I've offended any hockey fans in the cities I called out, my sincerest apologies to both of you.

No more hot tubs at baseball stadiums, please, what an abhorrent trend. If you want to soak your weary bones and your beer gut for three and half hours, do it in your backyard not on the jumbo tron. Unfortunately, Jeffery Loria and David Samson, Owner and President of the Marlins, respectively, couldn't resist the urge and have included some sort of pool/jacuzzi in the renderings for the new Marlins Ballpark. I can't wait to hear the corporate tie-up cheesy name they'll come up with for this one...Bud Chill Zone, Toyota Take a load off Terrace, anyone?

Any music played when a closer comes in the ninth inning. Unless it's "Wild Thing" and it's Rick Vaughn coming in, I don't want to hear it cause no one, no one is as bad as that dude. Also "Major League" possibly the best movie ever.

Stop comparing everyone to Michael Jordan. Stop calling Tiger and Roger the greatest ever. MJ was far and away the best basketball player walking the planet while at his prime winning six titles with da' Bulls. Was he better than Wilt or Dr. J or Oscar Robertson, it's impossible to compare, each man was dominant and distinctively defined his generation in the game. Just as Kobe, LeBron and D-Wade are now. As for Tiger and Roger, clearly they have excelled in their championship pursuits like none of their contemporaries. But in golf and tennis, I think you've got to factor in the advances in technology, the changes which have unprecedentedly opened up their once privileged and exclusive games. Jack and Arnie were playing persimmon woods to say nothing of what Bobby Jones or Ben Hogan were hitting back in the day. Same goes for tennis. Those wooden rackets played by Laver, Bjorg, Connors and McEnroe don't give us any idea how yesterdays greats would do against present ones. Let's just enjoy what we're witnessing without trying to rank everyone on some mythical totem pole.

Fantasy everything. Fantasy baseball, ok. Fantasy football, of course. That's it. No fantasy golf, tennis, soccer, basketball, hockey, ladies indoor lacrosse, beach volleyball, cricket, marathon running. That's ridiculous. If you're putting together your Indy Racing League drivers for the Iowa Corn Indy 250 that's a sure sign this phenomenon has gone too far and that you have way too much time on your hands. See a gambling counselor, get some sun and start a blog, worked for me.